From pain to strength - a summary of my story about bullying, vulnerability and strength
In June 2011 I am painfully aware of the fact that old wounds can bleed again as long as they are not completely healed. While I am beading feathers, I feel that I go back in time.
In my mind I become the feather, pressed together and deformed by the bead. I am the little girl that is bullied, a sweet and lovely innocent child that changes into a frightened little bird.
PAIN - old pain, new pain, BIRTH PAINS.
And then…. new life. The art project feathers and dragons is born! A new adventure starts. I walk, write, collect feathers and make a whole series of nests and birds.
It is not possible without pain, but I am not afraid any more to cry the tears that have to be cried. I do not want to be a victim of my inner dragon any more. Because of this I put this dragon outside of myself. Now he is visible, as a huge dragon, spitting ugly words. He is very powerful and dangerous and he made me believe that I am inferior. But now he is visible and I can look him straight in his eyes. This way he is loosing his power over me….
One feather at a time I am changing, getting more self-confidence and becoming more upright. I go straight through all the pain, grief, anger and shame… And one feather at a time my art project is growing.
I discover the treasury of the dragon with golden words in it. Beautiful words I have never been able to hear….
I embroider all these golden words one by one and I enjoy of these beautiful golden words that were given me by friends and visitors of my exhibition.
Then it is time to make the Alchemy bird - the big and strong bird that can change everything into gold, as a true alchemist.
He changes vulnerability into strength and fear becomes courage. It is the big bird of change, which symbolizes my own process of change and healing. Making this huge bird is a great challenge to me. I do it - as always - one feather at a time and I am very proud that I succeeded so well in making this bird!
Then I become the idea to write a fairytale along with this project. My own life story is the starting point for this fairytale about the frightened little bird and the dragon. In this fairytale the Alchemy bird plays an important role, but also all the rainbow birds and the earth birds are present. At the moment I am writing this fairytale, which I want to publish as a book, with photos. I am also still working at the environment for the fairytale, because I want to have a nice decor for the photos.